The beauty of the summer is being able to slow down, step back, look around, and enjoy. Yet as the crisp summer breeze blows across my face and the sun lightly shines done on my already burned twice over shoulders, I feel my life being swept up into a whirlwind and passing by as a blur of color and confusion. I’ve been told that everything happens for a reason. I’ve learned to believe that we shouldn’t regret, and yet in as little as a few weeks, I’ve learned to regret so much. From time to time I get caught up in that regret – wanting to take back what was said, what I was, what I did, what he did, what she did…said…did…wanted… It becomes all a sort of a circle of recognizing the regret, dwelling on it, then repeating – whose will is it? Not mine. Okay. Thanks, let’s stop there. It’s frustrating to try to correct your mistakes, others mistakes, or to try and take a step back and wish you could do it all again, just so this time you’d have the last say. So here’s the question: can I have the last say this time? I miss it all. I. want. to. take. it. all. back. to. November. Fall – cool fresh breeze of autumn. Thanks.

We seem to embrace the temporary almost too closely, too deeply, too dearly, and too emotionally. The things we do from day to day, often catches me off guard in the sense that I never know what actually is worth doing. So then it comes down to the question, “Why does everything have to have a worth to it before I decide I can keep it, do it, love it, and embrace it?” Is my pride that great that I can’t step down off my pedestal and cherish the spontaneous, the random, the unexpected? So it seems. It’s a dilemma I often catch myself in even while sitting idly at my desk. The friendships we make – what makes them real? What makes them worthwhile? What happens when they just become the simple hi and bye? Then – do we still embrace them? The events we attend – which ones become memorable? Which ones go in that book we never can seem to close, even for a day? The photos we take – are they really for the memory or for the heartache? Or do they really capture true reality or the masks we put on? It becomes a list of questions that go on and on, and it becomes a never ending cycle I can’t seem to get myself out of. But then again, just as everything else is, I’m only temporarily asking.

I stole this from my last blog. I felt that it was still very appropriate for what’s been the latest.

The What-Ifs Syndrome

Simplicity and sweetness – two words we long for in our lives yet simultaneously push away in moments of spontaneity and adventure. We prefer the chaos and excitement even when it means sacrificing all that we once stood for. What meant something to us becomes lost in that spur of the moment decision. But what about when it is the other way around? Simplicity and sweetness chosen over spontaneity? Possible? Most would say – too good to be true or impossible or there’s no such thing. I disagree. I find that a lot of the times our minds distort the most beautiful things in our lives to the point that it is or they are unrecognizable, disgusting, and convoluted. It becomes this mess we wish we had never touched. It’s about our mentality or to put it harshly – our heart attitudes. Who or what are we aligning our lives to? What makes us regret so much, want to turn back time, correct past mistakes, run away? If anything, it’s not simplicity. It’s not sweetness, but our want for something more – supposedly better until we end up with the what-ifs syndrome… until we’re reminded that what could have been, should have been, but this time, we messed up.

I decided to move to a new blogspace because I liked the setup of this one instead of the google blogspot. I think I’m just a newbie at editting designs and such. Either way. Here I am. If you want to see my previous posts >> ainsleycheng.blogspot.com